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102 Untrue Stories like these:

THE CHOICE
Bill Simpson had a choice. He could either step forward, off the edge of the cliff, and fall hundreds of feet to the canyon floor below. Or he could step backward, about half a mile, to the road, where drivers didn’t look when they came around that curve and where a guy walking backwards could easily be hit.

UNDULATION
When the wheat started undulating in the wind, the farmer did too, in a way that he had been warned about before. When the police dragged him off, in handcuffs, he was still undulating.

THE ANT IS THE SMALLEST ANIMAL
Whenever George would go to a cocktail party he would go up to a group of people and say “By the way, did you know the ant is the smallest animal?” If someone would say another animal was smaller, like the flea, George would just snort “You call that an animal?” and walk away.

THE ESCAPE PLAN
I knew it wouldn’t be easy. Before the guard got back I had to convince the monkey to get the keys and open the cell door, then cut the ropes on my hands, then make me a nice breakfast.