A Star Is Born
As we approached a clearing, I heard a strange noise. It sounded like a gorilla jumping up and down on someone, and someone else hitting the gorilla over the head with a log. And that’s what it turned out to be!
It was hilarious! I got closer. The two men looked like explorers, with khaki shirts and shorts. The man hitting the gorilla couldn’t figure out why the log wasn’t working. So he tested the log by hitting himself on the head. Then he fell down!
I doubled over laughing! Then I realized, the explorers were the Two Stupid Idiots, Clumpy and Beeswax! My favorite stars! I walked up and told them how funny it was. Then I heard “Cut!”
I had interrupted a scene from their new movie, “Jungle Jerks.” The gorilla took off his head and walked off. He wasn’t a real gorilla at all, but a man in a gorilla suit! I was amazed! I laughed again!
The director was furious and yelled at me for ruining the shot. People are always yelling at you for “ruining” something or “destroying” something or “causing pain.”
The Two Stupid Idiots were nice. But they weren’t nearly as dumb as they are in their movies, which was disappointing.
I asked if I could be in the movie. I pointed out
that I didn’t mind getting hit by flying objects, even sharp ones. But they said no. So I asked them if they would autograph Don.
Sometimes when you pull something out of your pants, people are shocked. And that’s what happened when I pulled Don out. But then they became fascinated. They put Don in the movie.
Don and I got our own trailer. I was his “wrangler.”
I had lots of arguments with the director. I felt the character of Don the Shrunken Head wouldn’t do some of the things the script had him doing. I rewrote some scenes to give Don more depth, but the director ignored my notes.
I enjoyed my time amongst the movie people. Movie people are not what we would consider civilized. The women are openly promiscuous, and the men enjoy lying and stealing. Movie people have no concept of sin. They have a crude system of writing, but mainly they communicate through “meetings.” They seemed happy in their primitive life.
One morning I walked out of the trailer and everyone was gone. The movie people had moved on, to a new location. It was their way.
The River of Lava
But then things turned for the worse. We came to a trail-map dispenser, but the dispenser was empty! What kind of a hellhole was this?
It turned out to be hell in another way. We came to a churning river of lava. We had to get across, but how? As I was wracking my brain, I noticed two sticks that were shaped like stilts. Then it hit me: Why not use them as stilts?
Then I hit on the obvious solution: Why not jump across the river of lava? But I would have to practice, until I was able to jump the distance.
It turns out that running and jumping is a lot harder than it looks. I don’t think I was ever able to actually leave the ground. I was ready to give up. Would I be stuck in Hawaii forever?
I saw Don biting on a fallen vine. Oh, man, having a shrunken head is as bad as having a kid.
I went over and tried to get the vine out of his mouth, but he held on. I couldn’t pry it loose. I picked up the vine and began swinging it around like a lasso, thinking I could sling him off. But he held on.
The vine slipped out of my hands and flew across the lava, becoming stuck in a tree. I tugged and tugged, but I couldn’t get it free.
Suddenly I got a brilliant idea: Why not swing across the lava river? And that’s what I did. After I landed, Don let loose and dropped into my hands.
It’s funny. It was almost like Don had planned it.
